Funeral Messages
Death
Physiologically, death is a ‘natural’ part of life, the end of life, and yet it feels deeply unnatural.
Sociologically, death is a permanent separation from life and its relationships.
Anthropologically, death is common to every people and culture, as is the fear of it. It is truly humanity’s ‘last enemy’ (1 Cor 15:26).
Culturally, in the Western world death is sanitized and sterilized by the professionalism of the funeral industry. We have also become de-sensitized to death by the entertainment industry. Therefore its real horror goes largely unnoticed and unfelt UNTIL we experience it firsthand and up close in the death of a close friend or family member.
Theologically, death is God’s enduring punishment on a rebellious race (Rom 6:23). ‘It is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment’ (Heb 9:27).
Grief
The natural reaction to the death of a loved one is disbelief, confusion, fear, anger, guilt, uncertainty, sadness and sorrow, a sense of loss, and gradual acceptance.
Grief has been defined as a life-shaking sorrow over loss. Those who grieve are called the bereaved. ‘Reave’ means to ravage, to forcibly deprive or take by force!
When a Christian dies, there is hope but also deep pain and loss and all the normal reactions to death. It is the Christian’s last enemy, too, and we wait for its destruction at the return of Jesus (1 Cor 15:26). Jesus experienced deep sorrow and anger upon the death of a close friend (Jn 11:35-38a); and yet, because of Jesus’ own death and his resurrection from death, death’s sting has been removed, and living and dead believers now share in God’s victory over sin and death (1 Cor 15:54b-57). The apostle Paul captures all this in his word to the Thessalonian church about the death of Christians. He did not want the church to be ignorant about the future of deceased believers, and gives this reason: ‘that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope’ (1 Thess 4:13). As believers mourning the loss of believers, we are not in despair but grief; hope-filled grief.
The need to speak the gospel
In the face of death, Christians and Christian pastors have a solemn responsibility and important opportunity to speak words of life and hope, pointing people to the One who has conquered death (Rev 1:18). We can and must do this in the funeral service. This is no time or occasion for letting liturgy alone speak. The Christian pastor must speak. They must speak sensitively and gently, but speak they must. Ministers of the gospel identify with the apostle Paul who said,
‘Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence’ (2 Cor 4:13-14).
When in the service to speak
In a Christian funeral service, we want the Lord Jesus to be the last word and to have the last word, rather than tributes to the deceased. It is therefore best to have the tributes early on before the main Bible reading and message. In a very real sense the tributes look back, whereas our message ultimately looks forward, to the future the Lord Jesus has secured for his people.
How to speak
Throughout the whole service, including the message, we need to speak words of comfort and gospel hope. We will speak gently, sensitively, sincerely, engagingly, and honestly.
When the deceased person’s relationship with God is unknown, we will neither preach them into heaven nor assign them to hell. Rather, we will affirm the blessings of the gospel for those who belong to Christ and commend him to the living. This must be borne in mind when using the Anglican Funeral Service because it is for deceased Anglican believers and assumes throughout that the deceased person is with Christ. When the deceased person is clearly a believer, it is right to affirm that they are with Christ, as the Scriptures do, being careful to temper our rejoicing with recognition of the real sadness and pain the bereaved nonetheless experience. In any event, the focus is not on the deceased person’s relative goodness and merits (be they a believer or unbeliever) but on Jesus’ absolute goodness and merits. It is because of his person and saving work that we can know life to the full and without end.
We should also speak briefly, somewhere between a few minutes and ten at the most. It is obviously not the occasion for a typical expository sermon lasting 20 minutes. It is a difficult and stressful time for family and close friends, some of whom may well be traumatized. They are dealing with numerous emotions and the finality the service is bringing to the loved ones death.
What to speak
In light of what we’ve just seen, rather than a verse-by-verse exposition of the main Bible text, the message should typically enlarge on the main idea of the text, and this of course will be some aspect of Jesus’ person and saving work that is applied to the situation and to your hearers.
Your message probably has a better chance of being heard by more people if you begin by mentioning something about the deceased – some aspect of their character or some event or incident from their life – that links in with or illustrates the main point you wish to make from the text about Jesus. If you didn’t know the deceased, you will have had to rely on the family to tell you relevant information. Asking them to tell you in a nutshell who the person was and for a story that well illustrates that is most helpful.
An additional powerful way to speak
Where the deceased is a Christian, they can speak at their own funeral from the grave so to speak, by a written personal testimony that is printed in the order of service. It is worth keeping this in mind when you are in conversation with a dying believer about their funeral or even some time before when there is time and opportunity for mature Christians to write carefully and thoughtfully about God, Jesus, the Bible, their own relationship with God, their hope. It is a great opportunity for believers to promote the gospel, and for those who knew them to hear the gospel in a personal and poignant way.
Suitable Bible passages for use in a funeral service
See Prayer Book service
Also, Pss 46:1-7; 90; 23; 116:15; 121; 139; Jn 6:35-40; 11:25-26; 14:1-3; Rom 8:38-39; 14:8-9; 1 Cor 2:9; 15; 2 Cor 4:16-5:5; Phil 3:20-21; 1 Thess 4:13-18; 1 Tim 6:7 then Job 1:21; 1 Pet 1:3; Rev 21:1-7
For a child’s funeral
See Prayer Book service for a child
Also, Psalm 139; Isa 49:1, 15-16; Mk 10:13-16
For the graveside/crematorium
See Prayer Book service at the graveside
Also, Pss 103:8, 13-17; 1 Tim 6:7 then Job 1:21; Jn 6:37-40; 11:25f.; 1 Cor 15:51-57; 1 Thess 4:13f.
For a particularly difficult funeral
Deuteronomy 29:29 – both the text itself and the principle contained in it can be helpfully used. At such times as the death of a child or suicide of a loved one, for example, there are searching questions that cannot be answered. Here God says,
‘The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.’
Why this death has happened and in the way that it has is a secret known only to God; but there are things he has revealed to us that are of great help, namely, his character and his salvation in Jesus. These revealed things help us to trust God and live with hope, even without answers to our deepest questions.
Helpful resources
How to Speak at Special Events (Christian Focus, 2007)
See chapter on ‘Preaching at a wedding or funeral.’
Christ-Centred Preaching, by Bryan Chapell (2nd ed., Baker Academic, 2005)
See Appendix 7, ‘Funeral Messages.’
Good Grief, by Granger E. Westberg (Desbooks, 1992)
Good to have and to give away.
Christians Grieve Too, by Donald Howard (Anglican Information Office)
Donald is a retired Anglican Minister who has known loss and grief. Good to have and to give away.
At a time like this: some answers for loss and grief, by Simon Manchester (Matthias Media, 2006).
Simon is an Anglican Minister. It’s an easy-to-follow booklet that looks at why we should come to Jesus for truth, meaning and real comfort, with a section of honest answers to some significant questions. Good to have and to give away.